My most vulnerable post yet.

I'm never alone; I'm alone all the time

Are you at one, or do you lie

We live in a wheel, where everyone steals

But when we rise it's like strawberry fields

-

So I've been pondering about doing this entry for the longest time. Say about since early 2014? Yeah. It's one of those entry that needs to be let out. At least in my opinion it does.

I was on the bus earlier, and the song lyrics above was just being played out in my ears. It caught me right there and then. I paused the song and I repeated that verse; at least ten times it was played out in my ears. The lyrics stood out to me. Yes Boyce Avenue sang it perfectly, and it was mesmerising. But it was the lyrics that caught me. So deep. Yet so real.

 So some of you might know that it's not always rainbows and butterflies in my life. I always feel that my life is very amazing. I have a family who takes care of me all the time. Or at least I think so that way. I have a spiritual family whom I know i can rely upon. And of cus, I have my friends who never fail to make me smile.

All of them are still there. They never once leave. But, me. I think I walked away. I don't know but I feel that a part of me wants to try something new. Not that the former is bad or what, but it's just me. Gone are the days where I just wanna stay in Singapore and be the Larry that everyone knows about. A part of me want's to not be Larry. If you get what I'm trying to say? Yeah. A part of me wants to see how it's like to not be Larry for a day and just be anyone else. 

With that being said, I'm just gonna admit that sometimes it's really difficult to be Larry. Certain expectations will always be expected of me. At least in my opinion, it is. Maybe that's why I feel like I need to try to be someone else. It'll be a whole breath of fresh air, won't it?

I'm never alone, because I know that I have Jesus with me all the time. Through the good the bad the ugly the nonsense the victorious moments. He's there with me. He's there FOR me. Whom then shall I fear? 

Then it caught upon me. There's still one more person whom I fear. I fear myself, sometimes. Why? I can't seem to comprehend a reason now, but it's just... that feeling. 

These days my life's been really quiet. Not that it's a bad thing but it does take some getting use to, I would say. I enjoy the peace I'm getting, but too much of it might not necessarily translates to good. I'm almost free every other night. So life has been mundane for me. It's been work and then home and then work and then home kinda cycles. 

I guess maybe that's why that song above relates to me. I'm never alone, but I'm alone all the time. Kind of? In a way. 

At this point of time, I usually have ways to conclude my entry but somehow, I'm struggling with words to fill them up this time. I've no idea why. Maybe emotions are getting the better of me this time, thus the lack of response. 

Just gonna end this awkwardly. I'm still Larry. Peace.